Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
