Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize