Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The struggles of a small town man whore
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
