I need to stop coming to work sober
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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