You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
