i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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