i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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