Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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