I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
