He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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