so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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