I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
