Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
