she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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