Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
