kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We're not piercing ourselves today.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
