I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
