ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
