21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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