I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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