Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
