And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
