it's too hot outside to masturbate.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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