i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
