So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
