I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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