hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
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