Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize