he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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You grabbed my dick don't call me son
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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