Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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