ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
