i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
