I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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