i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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