i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize