Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
