So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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