): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want nice things and good sex
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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