Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
