It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
