I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
