fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
