drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
