He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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