you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize