Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
