My nipple is on Facebook.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
