He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
