I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
