I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
