So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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