so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
