Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Randomize
