too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I think your dad took our porno
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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