So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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