booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
