I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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