im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
