You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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