Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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