idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
