Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
