just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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