ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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