Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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