That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
